A married girlfriend will occasionally ask me what it’s like to be single again in my sixties. She can’t imagine what it would be like after being married for so long, especially dating again in your fifties or sixties. I suppose that being curious is only natural.

And no, it no longer feels like a rude question now that I’ve been single again for over six years. (Even as I type that I have a hard time believing it! ; )

In the early days it was heartbreaking, to say the least, to be going through a second separation and divorce – and this time after being together/married for twenty three years (I was married for 21 years, 11 years for my first marriage, and had my 3 amazing children)

And it would have been incredibly hard if not for my faith. I don’t know where I would be without Christ walking beside me every step of the way.

I am trusting you Lord, saying “You are my God!” My future is in your hands.”
– Psalm 31:14-15

Even as I write those words I feel so very lucky/blessed just thinking about all the ways that God sustained me during the hardest times of my life. I was 36 years old when my first marriage ended and I was raising three children under the age of six.  

I still marvel at all of the gifts and blessings he has given to me during this difficult journey to healing.  For example, I’m writing this while sitting on a dock that overlooks the sound, and is surrounded by lovely gardens, and huge live oak trees filled with Spanish moss.

There are really too many of these gifts to list, but here are a few that come to mind. First, living for almost a year with my parents at their home in the beautiful east TN mountains.  Hiking along the Nolichucky River and other streams in the mountains was incredible. Being there to help my parents during the early Covid months. And being there when my Mom had to have a pacemaker put in, and after she had her first stroke.

So many priceless memories that came to mean even more to me after Mom passed away on Christmas morning the following year. I had moved to the NC coast by then.

Second, he provided an amazing living situation, back in the coastal town where I had lived as a teen, and during holidays and summers while I was going to college in Chapel Hill. God also gave me some wonderful new friends here, and a job opportunity to supplement my income from Presence Jewelry Designs. 

I have so many memories from my time living here when I was younger (ok, fine a couple of decades ago!) Many of these memories are great ones. Some are really sweet, others are hilarious!  And yes, some of these thoughts aren’t about happy or fun times. But that’s ok too.

Another blessing is that I’m stronger spiritually from having to put my trust in God more than ever before.

The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
I will advise you and watch over you.”
– Psalm 32:8

Was it easy? No. Did I spend time looking back at my marriages and wondering what I could have done differently? Of course. But did I stay there? Nope.

Instead, I chose to see the “beauty from (for) ashes” that God continues to reveal to me.  I have a fairly small “beauty from ashes” tattoo on my right arm that I got with my daughter when I turned fifty.  I know crazy! But such a good reminder for me over the years.

To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for (from) ashes
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
– Isaiah 61:3

The most important “beauty” is that I feel closer to God now, especially during my long walks by the sea. And I “hear” the Holy Spirit more clearly when he impresses words in my mind. I know that learning to really listen to and believe the Spirit is a lifelong journey.

Today I enjoy having the freedom to go where I want to go when I want to. I love road trips to visit family and friends. (And of course listening to my choice of music, audiobooks and podcasts while driving is another little perk ; )

And no, I haven’t started dating again. But I believe that time will come, once I am more able to trust again. Lord knows, I trust God to bring a new love into my life one day WAY more than through a dating app. Ha! (No shame on anyone who feels comfortable using them ; )

I still remember my sweet Mama telling me years ago that she was praying for a “good Christian businessman” for me. How cute is that? “Businessman” to her meant someone with a lot of income! No telling what she is praying now that she’s in heaven!

I also love being able to take long walks by the ocean. Yet another gift, to live a short three mile drive from the beach. The ocean (the God who created the ocean) has been instrumental in bringing healing to my soul over the past five years.

Here by the sea I can look back over the years and remember the losses and the times of joy, and know without a doubt that he has been with me all along.

I know the Lord is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for he is right
beside me.

– Psalm 16:18